Let's Discuss: This Jimmy Choo Coffee Sleeve

Jimmy Choo sells coffee sleeves.
Photo: Getty Images/Courtesy of Jimmy Choo

Ahahhahah, guess how many times I cracked my knuckles and stretched my neck before hunkering down to write THIS sucker. Look it, it is not news to me that rich people do reprehensibly dumb things. Case in point: I (along with my pal Anderson Cooper) strongly dislike the $39,000 alligator backpack that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen released on The Row earlier this year.

Also, this article in Business Insider that talks about "The Most Expensive Watches..." etc., etc., bums me out. The nut of which is this Patek Phillipe Sky Moon Tourbillon 5002P that costs $1.5 million, has a leather band, tracks celestial movement, and has 686 parts, some of which are microscopic. UM. A metal watch part that's microscopic? They have another word for that, it's called GLITTER.

That said, the thing that most goads me into full-tilt vitriolic blindrage is this reality-insulting,EMBOSSED MOCK CROC COFFEE COZY by Jimmy Choo that costs (in this horrifying economic climate) $165 (there are TWO kinds too!). WHO IS THIS FOR? What style-blind mail order child-bride of an oligarch or despot would want this thing? Sure, you could be all, well it is eco-friendly and to those people I say, "ZOMG, STOP TAAAAALKING" because they obviously know nothing about what it takes to piece-dye leather and emboss that ish to look sorta/kinda like an aquatic reptile in the most unfortunate drag. Another very pressing question: Does anyone at this company handle their own drinks? Why would anyone ever take leather and put it so close to an unreliable plastic lid for a container filled with liquid? Who green-lit this? TELL ME, I WANT NAMES.